Trusting your Gut after Abusive Relationships

One of the most important things that we need to do as moms is learn how to listen to our gut.

And this is one of the most difficult things to do in general, but especially after going through an abusive relationship. Because at this point, you don’t even know what reality is let alone what your gut is telling you.

When you’re in the abusive relationship, you get caught up in this place of being gaslit to the point that you can hardly see straight. You know the sky is blue and yet you’ve been told it’s purple so much you don’t believe your own eyes.

You have a gut feeling that this is wrong but you believe that this is what love is, so you ignore it.

This is even harder as a mom because you’re always wondering if you’re doing the right thing. Suzy Q over here says you need to do more, but Sally over there says you’re a helicopter mom and need to back off.

Then you see someone on Facebook talking crap about the techniques you use to parent and so you continue to question yourself.

So you’re always asking yourself if you’re wrong and lose trust in yourself.

Tie all that in with the trauma-affected brain you have and it feels pretty damn impossible.

But if you don’t learn how to trust your gut, there are repercussions. 

When you don’t trust your gut, you don’t trust yourself to be the leader your kids need. You’re not going to listen to that gut feeling when you’re uncomfortable. We won’t react properly when we realize our kids need us. We’re too busy questioning what the right thing to do is that we do nothing.

Not trusting yourself puts a rift between you and your kids. If you can’t trust yourself to be a leader, neither can your kids. If there’s no leader, there’s chaos. Yes you’re nurturing, loving and caring but you also need to be a strong leader. Kids need leadership. Your kids need YOU to be a leader in order to feel safe.

This is why it’s so important for you to reconnect with yourself and learn how to trust that gut instinct.

This, of course, is easier said than done. It takes a lot more time than we want to admit, but it needs to be a priority, especially when you’re healing your relationship with your kids.

You could easily disregard this whole post and apply everything else I’ve shared and eventually reach this point. But that’s going to take even longer. Is that time you want to waste? What’s going to happen in that timeframe between you being where you are now and where you need to be?

This needs to be a priority in your life sooner rather than later.

Prefer to watch? Check out the video here!

Before we dive into the ‘how’ of it all, trusting yourself can be absolutely terrifying.

On one hand you’re like, “I got myself in an abusive relationship. If I could trust myself to make the right decisions, that wouldn’t have happened. Can I really trust myself not to do that again? I’ve made so many bad decisions that my children have suffered. So how could I EVER trust myself?!”

You’re scared that if you do learn how to trust yourself you’re going to make the wrong decision and prove to yourself that you never should’ve trusted yourself to begin with.

But here’s the deal: Learning how to listen to your gut doesn’t always mean you’re going to get it right. It doesn’t mean it’s going to be perfect, smooth sailing. Instead, what it means is that you’re learning to trust yourself enough to risk getting it wrong. Because you’re human, so you WILL get it wrong sometimes.

You have to learn how to trust that even when you get it wrong, you’ll recover from it. You have to trust yourself enough to know that you’ll make things happen.

This is going to be hard work, but I promise you it’s going to be worth it.

So how do you do learn to trust your gut?

There are two things to focus on: The mind piece and the body piece.

Your gut feelings are physical reactions to your mind, so working on both things is key.

The first thing I want you to do is grab a journal and ask yourself, when has your gut been right? When something happened, and you had this feeling that it was right, what happened? Write it down.

The second thing I want you to do is ask yourself, when have you regretted not listening to your gut?

Those moments that come up when you’re like, “Man I KNEW it. I knew I should’ve said or done something about it.” Take the time to list those things out. This will help your brain understand that it’s right more often than it wants to admit.

Disclaimer: don’t use this as an excuse to beat up on yourself. Be objective as you look at your past and give yourself grace. You were going through a lot and trying to survive. If beating yourself up worked, you’d be exactly where you want to be right now. You’re the absolute QUEEN of crapping on yourself. So don’t use this as more fuel on the shit-on-yourself fire. Give yourself some grace and be objective.

Step two is to get in tune with your body.

Your gut is LITERALLY your stomach. It’s your body’s physical reaction to your brain feeling something. In order to listen to it, you have to know when it’s speaking to you.

We live in a culture that’s so out of control fast paced that we don’t even know when our body needs something. We’ll pass out before we realize we need to slow down, we’ll go hours without eating because we’re not listening to our stomach. We’ll reach a point of almost peeing our pants because we don’t listen to our dang bladder.

This is your opportunity to change that.

Keep a journal with you and begin to pinpoint sensations in your body. If you suddenly realize you’re hungry, think back to when you first started feeling the signs of hunger. Same with when you’re thirsty, when you have to go to the bathroom, when you’re feeling strong feelings.

Getting in tune with your body is going to help you more than you realize. But it’s absolutely necessary to trust your gut. This is how you begin listening to your intuition.

If you don’t, you’ll never be able to trust your gut because you don’t trust your own body. You and your body are on completely different planets and aren’t connected. That’s a problem. Pay attention to your body’s cues and write them down. The more you notice, the easier it’s going to be for your brain to comprehend this new information.

Secondly, take 2-3 minutes a few times a day to focus on your breathing.

These are focused, not distracted, times. There’s no TV or music, your kids aren’t up and around so it’s happening before they wake up or after they’re in bed. This is just you focusing on your breath

Sit in a chair nice and tall. Feel your feet flat on the floor, the sensation of your clothes on your body. What does it feel like? Pay attention to those sensations. Really feel the world around you.

When you start breathing, these are belly breaths, not chest breaths. Chest breathing leads to anxiety while belly breaths are calming.

So sit tall in your chair with your hands on your belly. Take a big deep breath in through your nose for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, breath out through your mouth for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds. Repeat as many times as necessary.

When you get distracted, come back to focusing on your breath. This calms your brain because of how focused you are on the breathing. Your brain can’t focus on everything else because it’s been given such a driven task. Just keep coming back to your breath. Do this as many times as needed for 2-3 minutes a few times a day.

This is such a powerful way to bring connection back into your body.

When you do this, you’re going to be able to listen when your gut speaks to you. You’ll feel that twinge in your stomach and the tightness in your chest. You won’t be able to explain it but you’ll know when something is right or wrong.

While you used to not notice it at all, you’ll become very aware of it.

So don’t skip this. It feels woo woo but it’s not – it’s science.

The power of focusing on your breath is such a great and simple way to reconnect with your body.

Learning how to trust your intuition as a mom who’s gone through abuse is so hard. But we have to remember that we’re not just doing this for us, we’re doing this for our kids. Yes, our goal is to find healing and freedom personally, but we also want to connect with our kids and have a healthy relationship with them so they don’t repeat the same cycle.

We have to choose to heal so we can be cycle breakers.

We’re the ones who are going to say, “No. This ends with ME. My kids will NOT feel this pain the way I have.”

THAT’S why this is so important.

We’ll never be able to connect with our kids when we’re constantly second guessing ourselves as leaders. You need to decide TODAY that you’re going to heal. Decide that you’re ready to finally be the cycle breaking mom you know you can be.

If this is hitting home and you’re really feeling the urge to make this happen, you need Cycle Breaker.

Cycle Breaker is a mini course that gives you the exact process I wish I had when I was first starting on this journey. You can complete this course in a day, a week, or a month. It was created by a busy mom for busy moms.

The reason this course is so powerful is because it covers all of the aspects of being not only a Cycle Breaker but also a mom. It takes into account that you’re not JUST healing, you’re living your life and raising your kids.

You’re going to learn how to not only trust your gut but also heal your relationship with your kids.

Cycle Breaker provides a solid foundation for you to build on as you begin to step into the mom life that you desperately desire.

If you’re feeling the pull, don’t wait. Now is the time to heal. Now is the time to take control of your life and finally become the mom you dream of being.

Click here for the details. You’re not only changing your life, but your kids lives and every generation after.

Let’s get it, Cycle Breakers.

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