122: Abuse is NOT About Anger


When we think of abuse, we usually think of anger.

We feel like if we can just keep the abuser happy, if we can keep them from getting angry, then we’ll be ok. Nothing will happen, right?

But then we find out what we knew all along – we were just so wrong.

It doesn’t matter whether or not they’re happy.

So why do they seem to explode out of nowhere? Why are they able to say and do the most terrible things without so much as an inner twinge of guilt?

Because abuse isn’t about anger – it’s about power and control.

Abusers abuse because they’re truly weak humans without any sense of impulse control.

They can’t control the whole world around them so they need to feel a sense of power, they need to feel stronger than something.

And unfortunately, that something is you.

When they hurt you, they have power over you. It makes them feel strong and in charge.

Abuse is all about power and control.

That’s why I harp on gaining your power back.

Because once you have that power, they lose. They can’t survive without that sense of control. So when you take back your power, they don’t have a leg to stand on.

How do you get your power back?

Become aware and get educated.

Begin to dig into what’s truly happening and commit to reality – not the romanticized version of it. Become educated on the different forms of abuse. Learn how to build your skill of confidence so you can set boundaries and see just how worthy you are.


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