81: How to Talk Yourself into Change

Change talk is one of the most powerful concepts I’ve learned.

What the heck is change talk?

“Change talk” is the type of words you use that show that you’re ready for change.

I got this concept from the book Motivational Interviewing by William R. Miller and Stephen Rollnick.

Not only has it impacted how I approach the concept of abuse recovery and how I coach around it, but it’s shown me in my own life where I was avoiding change and growth.

Examples of change talk

“I don’t want to feel this way anymore.”

“I know deep down I deserve more.”

“It’s not going to be easy but something has to change.”

These are all examples of change talk. Recognizing it in your own life is extremely powerful.

Affirm the Change Talk

A big part of this affirming that positive change talk. So when the client says “I truly think that this needs to happen,” I as the interviewer would affirm that belief with something like “You’re ready to do this because you know that you deserve more.”

While this is for coaching with clients, I think using these concepts to coach yourself is extremely powerful.

How to Self Coach with Change Talk

First, think about a change you’ve been wanting to make.

Maybe it’s leaving the toxic relationship.

Maybe it’s truly committing to your abuse recovery journey.

Maybe it’s hiring a coach.

Maybe it’s creating healthy boundaries for dating.

Whatever it is, pick just one change you’ve been wanting to make but you feel stuck in.

Then pull out a journal and write down the following prompts: (taken from the Motivational Interviewing book)

Why would you want to make this change?

How might you go about it in order to succeed?

What are the three best reasons for you to do it?

How important is it for you to make this change and why?

Then, after you’ve answered those. The next question is:

So what do you think you’ll do?

These answers are for no one else but yourself. So be honest. Dig deep. Don’t write down what you think sounds good, write down what you truly feel.

Now go back.

Then I want you to go back and look over your answers.

Grab a highlighter or a different colored pen and I want you to highlight, underline, circle any change talk you find.

Then I want you to affirm that change talk.

For each piece of change talk you find, hype it up. Affirm it. Create affirmations around it. To learn how to do this, check out Affirmation 101 of the podcast.

Then I want you to look yourself in the mirror and say those things to yourself out loud while making eye contact with your reflection.

Do this every day for at least 21 days.

This is going to do SO many good things for your brain. You’re not only going to be affirming these positive beliefs thereby creating new neural connections in your brain, but you’re also reminding your brain that you’re capable of affirming yourself and you don’t need anyone else to do it for you.

That’s incredibly powerful, especially for abuse survivors.

Once you’ve done this, I would love it if you’d send me DM on Instagram letting me know one or two of the affirmations you created.

I want to cheer you on, hype you up and hold you accountable.

You deserve to live your absolute best life. It’s time to go after it.

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