I’m going to blow your mind with something pretty intense. Are you ready?
You don’t need to ask permission in order to demand respect.
You don’t need to tolerate people who don’t respect you.
Demanding respect is your right.
Does that make you as uncomfortable as it once made me? Trust me, I get it.
But demanding respect is your God given right.
The moment you were created, you are allowed to demand respect.
There are lots of people who don’t want you to know this. There are lots of people that don’t think that they owe you respect and are going to treat you terribly. This is because for whatever reason, you have become their verbal punching bag.
I’ve experienced this more than one occasion. Whether it’s with family or with significant others or work relationships. I put up with this respect for so long and now that I speak out against it, it makes them uncomfortable. They love to put it back on me and saying by me demanding respect, that it’s selfish, and that it’s disrespectful to the other person.
When people say stuff like this,
they’re telling you that you are not important.
If someone is continually disrespecting you, they’re telling you that you aren’t worth being treated like a human being. This goes right along with respecting your boundaries. If someone does not respect a boundary that you put up, they don’t belong in your life. If someone does not respect your boundary, they don’t respect you. And if they don’t respect you, you do not need to be around them.
If you are in a place where you can’t not be around them, you don’t need to respond to it. You don’t need to give in, you are allowed to stand your ground and walk away.
This is something that’s really, really hard for me. But I’ve also gotten really good at it, especially over the last few months.
Setting boundaries and demanding respect will not make you everyone’s favorite person. People will probably come up to you and say, “Oh my gosh, you change. When did you get so self absorbed? Oh, my God, what happened to you? Why did you get so mean?”
This is because they’re not used to you demanding respect.
The following is said very carefully:
I believe that there is some grace that needs to be given some.
Not a lot. But when you’ve allowed behavior for so long people think that that’s normal. For example, I allowed people to disrespect me a lot consistently. It was the norm and I didn’t speak up about it.
So now that I do speak up about it, people are like, “What the hell’s wrong with you? Like, where did that come from? Oh, my gosh, why are you being so rude?”
When that happens, you need to give a little bit of grace. Because the first time you demand respect, it’s going to be uncomfortable and different for those people. Not everyone is a horrible human being, but some people are. And not everyone wants you to respect yourself.
So you need to use your best judgement.
You can say something like “You know what, I understand that I allowed you to treat me this way for so long. And I apologize about that because that’s not how I should be treated. But from now on, this is the type of treatment and respect that I that I deserve. I’m going to require it if you want to be in my life.”
However many chances you give is up to you. But I think one or two chances is plenty. If you have to remind them once that’s kind of a grace period. If you have to remind them a second time, that’s the final reminder. And beyond that they’re done.
At least in my book I don’t put up with anymore than that. I don’t tolerate it anymore, because my mental health can’t handle it.
I’ve come too far, and let go of too much to allow people to continue to walk all over me.
I know it’s not easy. But demanding respect is your right. You do not have to give others the privilege of infringing on that.
This also means that you have to think about how you’re treating other people.
Are you treating others with disrespect because they’re allowing it?
If you’re feeling resistance to this respect concept, that may be the case. I’ve been there and I treated people with loads of disrespect. Because I was disrespected for so long, I felt that was the norm. I didn’t understand that there was anything outside of that.
So once I began demanding respect, I started catching myself disrespecting others. This is something that is going to continually be a work in progress. I continually have to catch myself and apologize. I call that out in myself so that way I have a clear conscience when I’m calling other people out.
That way no one else has the ability to disrespect me because I’m trying really hard to not disrespect anybody else.
Because we’re all human, there are times we’re going to disrespect each other without thinking.
But slip ups are rare. Slip ups don’t happen every day, every week, every month. If you are finding people in that cyclical pattern of disrespecting you on a consistent basis, they’re testing your boundaries. They’re seeing what you are and aren’t going to allow.
That’s why it is extremely important to begin to demand that respect and you don’t let them off the hook. Because the more you let that slide, the more boundaries that they’re going to push. The more that they push, the more they think they’re going to get away with.
We’re not allowing that anymore.
Demanding respect is your right.
Now I know this is easier said than done. I know that this is a completely different mindset. And especially those of us who are recovering from trauma like abuse, this is really hard because we were taught that not only were we not important, but that respect was a privilege we couldn’t have.
When people respect us, we actually feel uncomfortable. That’s why this is something that you consistently have to work at every single day. It’s going to take time.
That’s why I created this Boundaries mini coaching bundle.
That literally breaks down the A to Z of creating and keeping boundaries. Not only do you get this course, but you also get a one on one coaching session with me.
After you go through this class, you learn how to set boundaries, and you learn how to demand respect from people, you get to come and have a session with me and say “okay, how do I apply this to my life? How do I make this work? This specific situation?”
You deserve to demand respect and you deserve to receive it.
Click here to get the details!
You deserve respect, boo! Time to demand it.