Episode 46: Do You Really Want to Heal

I have a question for you: Do you really want to heal?

A lot of the time people talk about how much they want something, but they don’t put any effort into actually making it happen.

Which means that they don’t want it bad enough, or they don’t want it at all.

I’m going to dive deep into into this concept and dig into your mindset to figure if you really want to heal or if you’re just not ready yet.

There’s no right or wrong answer but you do need to know where you are on the spectrum. That way you can plan out your future and your healing journey without getting stuck.

Who doesn’t want to heal? Who doesn’t want to get better?

Everyone’s gonna say that they want to heal.

I have fibromyalgia and arthritis. So often chronic illness patients, myself included, don’t actually want to get better. I know how crazy that sounds. Who wouldn’t want to get better? Why wouldn’t they want to experience life without pain?

Everything you do you’re getting a benefit from whether you realize it or not.

When it comes to chronic pain, the idea of healing is terrifying.

Yes, the pain sucks. But it’s predictable. You know exactly how your day is going to go. Wake up in the morning and you know the pain is gonna be there. You go to bed at night and you know the pain is gonna be there.

And even though it sucks, it’s your routine. It’s your normal and it is your comfortable discomfort. Our brains like consistency; our brains crave knowing what’s going to happen next.

They have a desire and a need to know exactly what’s going to happen every single second of the day. And for control freaks like me, this is emphasized by a million.

When it comes to chronic pain, yes, it sucks. But at least you know the pain is going to be there.

Living without pain is foreign territory. It’s a completely different experience. It’s straight up scary.

I still sabotaged my healing for a very long time because I was so scared to live without pain.

I didn’t know how to experience it. It took me a lot of work to bust through limiting thought. I had to try and fail at a lot of things to figure out where my healing journey was going to start.

But once I broke free of that pain, it was absolutely amazing.

I don’t have the excuse anymore. So now what can I do?

I dove headfirst into lifting and am now training for a bodybuilding competition. I started taking Zumba classes and loved it so much I became an instructor.

So when I ask if you truly want to heal, I’m coming from a very grounded place.

I want you to truly ask yourself without judgment if you want to heal.

Do you really want to recover?

Or is that just something that’s nice to say?

For a long time, I did not want to heal. When my ex and I first split, I wanted nothing to do with recovery. I didn’t want to be better. I wanted everyone to feel bad for me.

If I was better, no one would give me that sympathy. And if I was better, I thought I’d lose my support.

What did I do? Right away, I spent about four days where I didn’t eat, sleep, or drink water. I didn’t do anything. Then I jumped up and I got a job. And then I got another job. I was always working, tired, and angry.

Consciously I was just hustling. But I was craving the attention that I desperately needed in the relationship that I used to be in.

The way I got attention was by being praised. I wanted that attention poured on me through sympathy and “look at her go.”

When anyone told me to take responsibility for my healing and my growth, I took that as judgment.

I didn’t realize it was said out of love and wanting me to grow.

If you’re not ready to change, that’s fine. It’s your life. But I’m not the person for you. I’m going to encourage and push you to be your best and to continue on your journey. You may not be ready for that and that’s ok.

Then there are the people who are ready, they’re hungry for growth and they’re committed to the journey. They’ve decided that they’re done with the bullshit, done with a mediocre life, done waiting for life to happen to them.

Those are the people that connect with what I say the most.

You need to figure out where you are on that spectrum.

If you aren’t ready to change, that is totally fine. But if you are getting that nudge, I want you to think about why.

Where you are on that spectrum is going to determine the information that you’re going to take in from any and every source of growth.

If you are in a place where you’re just don’t want to hear it, everything is going to come off as judgment.

That’s a normal, that’s where everyone starts out.

If you are completely open, hungry, ready, then it’s time to hit the ground running.

There are going to be days where you’re not going to feel motivated and you’re not going to want to grow. That’s normal and ok.

The only correct answer the the question is the one accurately says where you’re at.

But you can’t keep saying you want something if you’re continually finding reasons to not make it happen.

So often people come to me and go, “Oh my gosh, how did you lose all that fat? How did you gain all this muscle?! What’s your secret?!”

I tell them how I did it. I’ll show you every step and break it down. I’ll give you the meal plans, the macros, everything.

But the moment I mention that its hard work, the only response is radio silence. The people that gave me radio silence, or gave me excuses, are the people that don’t really want it. It just feels good to want it.

It’s okay to not want to grow and to sit in the suck. That is okay. I am giving you full permission to sit in your suck with the Ben and Jerry’s. It’s your life you can do what you want with it.

But it is not okay to say that you want more and not go after it.

It is not okay to say you want to be a bodybuilder and yet you never go work out. I’m preaching to myself.

It is not okay to say you want to heal and grow but you’ve got nothing but excuses when your coach pushes you.

That’s what isn’t okay. You need to figure out what you want and where you want to go and you need to make shit happen.

The only person that can do that is you.

It doesn’t matter how much I want it if you’re not doing anything about it.

If you are ready, I can give you the map. And I will walk with you over the bridge we will fight through the jungle together. I will help you dig for the treasure once you get to the x.

But I’m not going to stand here and do this stuff for you while you sit behind.

That’s where you have to figure out where you’re at and make the decision for where you want to go next. Do you want to stay where you are or do you want to accept recovery?

You have to decide if it’s worth the work.

You have to decide if it’s worth your time. I can’t make that decision for you. Only you can.

If you’re ready to truly commit to your journey, then sign up for my free Confidence course. This is a free, five day crash course into confidence.

I share the exact framework that I give my clients. At the end of the 5 days, you’re going to be ready to take off and finally live the life that you’re capable of.

Click here to grab your free course!

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