The thing that I had the most trouble accepting was the fact that I was teaching people around me to treat me. When people disrespected me and I allowed it, I was telling them that it was ok. When people pushed past my boundaries and I didn’t stop them, I was teaching them that any boundaries I said I had were basically nonexistent. When I let them walk all over me, I was telling them that I was a doormat.
But the most heartbreaking part of it all was that I didn’t know that it didn’t have to be that way. I didn’t know that I was allowed to demand more. I didn’t know that I was an autonomous person who deserved better.
Now that I’ve learned this, I’m never going back.
I’m here to tell you that you deserve better. That you’re allowed to ask for better.
I know it’s easier said than done, so here’s how to make it happen.
You’re allowed to demand respect
This was one of the hardest concepts for me to grasp. I didn’t know that I was allowed to demand to be treated respectfully. I was taught growing up that demanding respect meant that I was a bad person. That I was actually being disrespectful. That their feelings, their opinions were more important than mine.
Once I realized that I was allowed to demand respect, my whole world changed. Friendships shifted, relationships came to end, I became very comfy using the block button.
If you do one more thing to change your life today, demand respect.
Here’s a warning: some people won’t like it. Some people will leave, they’ll tell you you’re selfish, and that’s ok.
Let them do whatever it is they need to do. If someone doesn’t respect you, you don’t need them in your life anyway.
Any time you have to water yourself down, that person doesn’t respect you. They don’t truly care about you. So if they leave, let them. If they argue with you, walk away.
You might lose some people, sure. But you’re going to gain a whole new respect for yourself and for others. Your life will be ten times better without them in your life because you’ll realize just how much they were weighing you down.
You’re allowed to have boundaries
Once you start demanding respect, you get a whole new appreciation for the boundaries you’re able to create.
So often we grow up thinking that setting boundaries means that you’re pushing people away, that they’re less important than you are.
And that’s just not true.
Boundaries are your way of saying, “I’m important too.”
Not that you’re more important, but that you’re also important.
Once you fully internalize that concept, you’ll find a freedom you’ve never experienced.
Boo – you’re allowed to set boundaries.
You’re allowed to communicate those boundaries.
Boundaries are how you tell other people what you’re ok with and what you’re not ok with. It makes it easier on everyone because then everyone knows where the line is and where to cross it.
And it makes it easier on you because the people who don’t respect that line don’t respect you, which means they don’t need to be in your life.
Your circle will get smaller, but it will become so much more uplifting.
Don’t let anyone walk all over you
This goes right along with demanding respect and setting boundaries.
Once you fully internalize those concepts, the next step is applying them to your life. It’s crucial at this point that you don’t let anyone walk all over you.
If you set a boundary, you have to keep it.
If you demand respect, you have to uphold it.
When you don’t, you’re telling the person that they’re not all that important to you and they can continue treating you however they want.
Don’t allow anyone to walk all over you. Don’t let anyone push on your boundaries without calling them out.
I know this is easier said than done, but the more you do it, the stronger you become.
Once I stopped being a walking doormat for people, I was called a variety of things. Unforgiving, rude, disrespectful, and some names that I won’t list here.
It was hard, but once I stuck to it, it became easier. Things shifted and they no longer treat me that way.
Whether someone likes my boundaries or not is their business, not mine. My only responsibility is to communicate and keep the boundaries.
Remember – my feelings are not your responsibility.
I know it’s a hard pill to swallow, but you teach people how to treat you. The more you allow, the more you tell people that they can do it. If you don’t demand respect, they’ll treat you how they see fit. If you don’t set boundaries with people, they’re going to do what they like without regard for you. If you let people walk on you, they won’t take what you say seriously. I know that isn’t fun to hear. Heck, it isn’t fun for me to write. But it’s the truth.
The fact of the matter is that you deserve to be treated better. You deserve to be treated with respect, with care. Anyone who doesn’t agree with that doesn’t belong in your life. Period.
Girl, you deserve more. You deserve better. So start demanding it.
If this is a struggle for you, if the idea of demanding respect makes you sweat a little, know that you’re not alone. So many women struggle with this, that’s why I created the Build your Boundaries Coaching bundle!
Not only will you get the Boundaries class, but you also get a one on one coaching session with me. That means that you’ll get the class and then I’ll show you how to apply it to your life. Any questions you have, I got you!
Click here to get the bundle – I’m so excited to work with you!