“Karleigh, I don’t understand why this is such an issue. Shouldn’t I be over this by now?”
I hear this over and over again from my clients.
Recovery is a tricky thing. We get frustrated for not going fast enough, yet we’re resistant to growth.
This isn’t judgement – I’ve been there, too. But you have to know that you’re not alone. There are so many other women out there who get it, who understand what you’ve been through.
The biggest piece of advice I can give is to recognize that progress is progress, regardless of how small it is.
I know that’s easier said than done, but here are three concepts that completely changed the trajectory of my recovery journey.
Small progress is still progress
As an all-or-nothing person, I realize that this concept isn’t the easiest to accept. I don’t really like the idea of ‘small’ progress. I don’t like baby steps. I like giant leaps and bounds in not-very-long time spans. I want results, BIG results, right now.
But as I continue on my journey, the more I realize that the brain just doesn’t work that way.
It’s possible to rewire your brain. It’s possible to heal from trauma. It’s possible to trust people again. But it takes time.
Trust me, I don’t like it either. Patience is not a strong skill that I possess.
But I’ve learned that if you commit to the process, you realize how quickly you realize you’re growing.
More than anything else, 10 steps forward and 8 steps back is still progress.
Regression in one area is a sign of growth in another
My son has special needs and we spend quite a bit of time in occupational therapy. Whenever he makes progress in one area, there’s regression in another.
I used to get so frustrated and feeling like I was a total failure.
But his OT told me that this was normal and is actually a sign of progress.
Your brain can only handle so much being thrown at it at once. It’s easily overwhelmed, especially when you’re healing.
When you begin to really focus on your growth, your brain picks up on things. When a lot of growth happens in one area, it puts all of it’s focus there.
This means it drops the ball in another area.
Instead of getting frustrated and mad at yourself, give your brain some grace.
It’s doing a LOT for you. So when you notice that you’re going backwards in an area, take a moment to center yourself. Recognize areas in your life where you’re doing well, where you’re seeing growth.
Thank your brain for doing so much and cheer yourself on for the victories!
Give yourself grace
The biggest way to stunt your growth is to beat yourself up for not going fast enough.
What you tell your brain on a regular basis is what your brain believes. It becomes hardwired as a physical connection that your brain references consistently.
So if you’re trying to get your brain to believe that you’re strong and capable, yet you tell it that it’s going too slow, that it’s stupid, that there’s something wrong with it, what is it supposed to do?
It’s going to internalize the negative message and not even pay attention to the positive one.
So not only is it just a nice thing to give yourself grace, it’s actually required for lasting growth and progress.
You’ve been through a lot. Just like you can’t expect to drop 50 pounds over night, you can’t expect your brain to recover from years of trauma in a week or two.
This takes time.
But if you’re committed to the process, you’ll get there.
Abuse recovery isn’t easy, but it is possible. One of the hardest things to accept is that I needed to get excited about the little things. That I was allowed to celebrate myself for the progress, no matter how small it may seem.
If you commit to the process, you’re going to make more progress than you could possibly imagine.
Remember that small progress is progress, regression is a sign of growth, and to give yourself so much grace.
I believe in you, boo! You’ve got this!
The hardest part of recovery for me was feeling completely and totally alone. I didn’t have anyone to celebrate with. I didn’t have anyone to tell me what was normal and what wasn’t. I didn’t have anyone to tell me that I was on the right path.
It was lonely and frustrating. I felt like no one understood what I was going through.
That’s why I created Worthy.
Worthy. Is a monthly coaching program where I’ll not only be guiding you with a proven system on your recovery journey, but you’ll be with other women who are on the journey with you.
You’re guaranteed to never feel alone.
Are you ready to take your recovery seriously? Click here to check out Worthy.!