Episode 38: Community is CRUCIAL!

Hello, my love and welcome to another episode of the confidence in the ground up podcast. I’m your host Karleigh Saunders and I am your confidence coach. I am obsessed with All Things personal growth, personal development and helping you realize your self worth. As you guys also know or this is your first time tuning in. Welcome. I am also an abuse recovery coach. I specialize in helping women recover from abusive relationships so that way they can live the life that they are not only capable of living, but that they deserve to live.

Oh my goodness, this one. This is a super important episode. This is something that literally saved my life. I’m not being dramatic. I’m not exaggerating. This is the thing that honest to goodness saved my life. That thing is finding my

tribe, finding my community, finding my people. And I don’t say that lightly. Community when it comes to abuse recovery is so important community in general community as human beings, it’s really, really important. But particularly when it comes to abuse, recovery, having that community can mean the difference between you going back to where you were, and growth.

Now, that’s not to say that you aren’t strong enough and that you can’t do this and that you have to have other people around. But what I am saying is that community is so important, and you don’t have to do your recovery journey alone. So why try? Why do this human beings are social creatures, we are hard wired to need other people and to be around other people. Now, I’m not saying that as an excuse for you to go back to your abuser or if you to go back to someone that isn’t healthy. What I am saying is that finding a community of people who understand

And what you’ve been through, who can lift you up when you fall? Who can shake you awake when you’re when you get stuck in the Daydream when you go back to those honeymoon moments?

That’s really, really, really powerful.

Now, when I say honeymoon moments, I’m gonna backtrack just a second here. What am I referring to? Basically, what I’m saying is that people don’t stay in abusive relationships because they enjoy being abused.

They don’t like the verbal, financial, physical, sexual, mental manipulative, the gaslighting, like all of that abuse, we don’t stay for that we stay for those honeymoon moments. We stay because they told us they loved us, we stayed because they brought us home flowers at one time we stay because that look in their eye really told us that this time was different.

And this time they were going to change. We stay for those moments, those moments that hook us back in, and those are the moments that your brain becomes hardwired to recognize and remember, because those weren’t traumatic, the abuse.

was so your brain blocks out the abuse and brings to highlight all of those honeymoon moments. And that can be a dangerous place to be.

When I was alone, and I was in that place, I tried to go back to my abuser several times, thank God he was not interested in he was probably just enjoying the attention. But once I really found my community and found my tribe, I found people who were willing to pull me out of that and said, Carly, you’re looking at those honeymoon moments, how many bad things had to happen in order for you to have one honeymoon moment.

And as I was looking back on it, I’m not saying you need to quantitatively like put a number on everything and list it all out. But it is important to really think about this. How many bad abusive moments happen in order to get one of those honeymoon moments. And as I was looking back, the honeymoon, moments happened far and few between and farther and fewer The longer the relationship went on. But those abusive moments they filled up all of that empty space.

So for every honeymoon moment I got I got maybe 10 1530 4050 abusive moments 50 negative moments.

But I needed someone to pull me out of that and shake me awake to realize what it was that I was doing. Now when I say your tribe, your tribe is not always a person that you have a one on one relationship with. For example, my tribe consists of so many people that don’t even know me that they don’t even recognize me, just because I’m not in their circle, but they are a massive part in mind.

For example, Jasmine star, she is my business boo, she is my best friend, but she has no idea who I am. But she played a massive part in me stepping out and doing this and actually starting this podcast and being with you, because she was willing to speak into me, and she was willing to put her heart and soul out there and inspired me.

My mom best friend is Allie Casazza. Again, she has no idea who I am. But she has played a massive part in me becoming a good mom and in me stepping out and realizing that yes, I’m a mom. But it’s not the only person. That’s not the only thing I am. Same thing with Kay Juana Lim. She’s a single mom, coach. She’s not, I’m not in her circle, but she is in mine. She speaks into me on a regular basis to her podcasts through Instagram through her book.

This is just a small handful of the people that speak into my life on a regular basis. Now, I’m not saying to only find your tribe, in people who you don’t have that one on one connection with, but finding those people is really big. For example, maybe I’m the person in your life that speaks into you that inspires you that that inspired you to wake up to your purpose that woke you up to the fact that your relationship wasn’t healthy. Maybe we have that connection. We don’t have a one on one relationship necessarily, just because it’s not like we can you know, we sit down and have zoom calls, but if I’m speaking into your life, and

Causing positive change. I am honored to be considered part of your tribe. And finding those people who are going to pour into you will help you draw in and attract the people that you want to have in those one on one relationships. Because as you listen to those people who are pouring into your life, as you’re listening to me pour into your life, you’re realizing what’s healthy and what’s not what’s good for you and what isn’t, you’re becoming more in tune with who you are, which means you’re gonna be able to attract people who you need in your life, and you’re gonna be able to attract those people.

For that really good one on one relationship, that one on one connection there. And speaking of that one on one connection, it is so important, and it is one of the most freeing things you’ll ever experience to have people around you who understand what you’re going through. When I was first in my abusive relationship and considering getting out I would try to talk to people and they just didn’t understand. They would say things like well, just leave

Why is it hard? Why would you miss him? Why are you excited about that? He’s so off all this stuff, and people didn’t get it. So when I got out, I felt alone. I was alone. I was embarrassed, I was ashamed. I felt like I was broken like nobody would ever truly understand me, because what I went through seems so foreign.

But once I found people, I sought out people who had been there, I sought out people who had also been in this abusive situations, not because misery loves company, but because I wanted someone that I could go to, and I could pour my heart out to and they would say, Oh my gosh, girl, I totally feel you. I’ve been there. I’ve been there and I get it. But I promise that this part ends, that you will that you will get past this that you are stronger than this. Getting someone who has understood who has been in the trenches and you understand what it’s like to be in that place is so powerful, especially now. This is something to be careful of.

I am very, very, very protective with my energy and I’m very, very protective with my circle. I want to be around people who understand what I’ve been through, yes. But I am particularly careful about who I give my energy to.

Because if I there are two people, one of which who has gotten out, she’s she sees the light, she’s experienced freedom and she’s going after it, and she’s encouraging me. I’m going to gravitate towards that. But if I come across someone who is not quite ready to heal, not quite ready to recover, and she’s pulling me down, and she’s pulling me back to that place.

That’s nothing to say that she’s a bad person. But I have to be careful with my energy, because I know that I can be pulled in that way.

I know that it’s very easy for me to be pulled down in that very, very negative way. So finding a community of women who get it who have been there but who also want to lift you up and won’t leave let you stay stuck and won’t let you stay in your victimhood that is so powerful, so freaking powerful.

Because with these people, you don’t have to explain your trauma. with people who don’t get it, you have to constantly Explain yourself over and over and over and break down your own brain psychology that you may not even fully understand.

Just to get them to stop giving you a sigh, just to get them to stop going, Oh my gosh, I would never understand but if I was you, I would do this, which by the way that drives me absolutely crazy. If you were me, you wouldn’t have done that because I did it this way because my brain works this way. So anyway, that’s a rant for another day.

And like I mentioned earlier, having people lift you up when you fall, and not encouraging you to stay down. So for example, for me, I was on a live last night on Facebook and Instagram. And I was talking about how, yes, I will sit in the trenches with you and I will cry with you and I will hold your hand but I will not let you stay stuck.

I will not let you stay down there, I will not let you live there. It is okay to have those moments when you fall, you’re human that is part of the recovery journey. The whole recovery journey is falling and learning how to get back up, and how to not fall that way again, and if you do, giving you the skills and abilities to pull yourself back up, but as you’re learning, having people to pull you back up out of there is so powerful. I am not a type of person who’s going to let you who’s going to coddle you and let you stay that way. Because I see too much potential in you for you to constantly dim your light.

So I’m going to be I’m going to lift you up and pull you out of that. I want people who care enough about me to not let me stay stuck. I want people who care enough about me who are going to call me out. I want people who care enough about me to say girl you have too much left to do in the world. You have too much potential. You have too much going on. You are too damn capable to be sitting here.

You’re stuck and sitting here in your victimhood, you’ve got too much, it’s time to go, it’s time to get up. Let’s make it happen. cry if you need to get up and keep crying, but girl, adjust your crown and keep going even with tears in your eyes. That’s the kind of people that I want in my life because that’s what I need.

I personally in order to get out of my stomach to begin with, in order to begin my recovery journey, I needed someone to shake me awake, I needed someone to shake me and flop me around, not physically, but you know what I mean? Like when someone passes out in the movies, and they slap their face a little bit to get them to wake up. That’s what I’m talking about to wake me up in the rip off those rose colored glasses looking at my past and see it with reality and see my potential and see my growth potential and see my capabilities.

That is something that’s really really, really important to me. That’s critical for me, I need that because it is too easy for me to go inside my own head and start playing the pity Poor me game. And next thing I know I’ve been in my bed for four days, and I feel this depression class.

Hanging heavy over me. And I don’t get up. Having someone say, girl, it’s time to get up, go take a shower, Go wash your face, brush your teeth, it’s time to go. I need that in my life. And I personally think every person needs that kind of person in their life. Because again, it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be depressed. It’s okay to be hurt. It’s okay to be low and it’s okay to fall. What’s not okay is living there.

So having someone who understands both the fact that that it’s okay to fall, but you also can’t live there. It’s such a beautiful thing to find. I needed that and I found that and I want to be that source for other people. That’s why I do what I do.

community has been such a crucial part of my recovery. Chris. community has made the difference between being here and not being here and I’m not just talking about the podcast, y’all. I’m dead serious. There are people in the world

I have saved my life and they don’t even know it. Because they were there for me. This whole concept, excuse me, this whole concept of community.

I’m so passionate about that I legitimately created an entire membership program around it. When I first started thinking of worthy I was the first thing I knew is that it needed community. It needed that community aspect. It needed to be this place where it was a safe place to fall, but it was also an encouragement to grow.

I wanted that and I needed that so bad and that’s why I decided to go the monthly membership route. Because this way, instead of an eight week coaching program, you’re gonna get support every single month, every single day for the rest of forever, just as for as long as you’re a part of it, because you’re gonna grow with these women. So now let me back up what is worthy? What am I talking about? worthy is my group coaching recovery program for women who have been in an experience abusivevrelationships.

And this is where the is all about showing you your worth and showing you that you are, in fact, worthy, every single month and worthy, not only are you going to get group coaching once a month from me, but you’re going to get that community, yes, you’re going to be around and surrounded with other women who have been there.

But not only that is you’re also going to be in small groups. So in these small groups of only five to 10 women, you’re going to be able to watch the group coaching, come together in your small groups, and talk about it, work through it, work through the prompts, work through the stuff so that way, you’re never alone. If you get stuck, you guys can coach each other and pull each other through until you get to your small group q&a session session, which happens every other week.

So you’re going to be with your small group, and you’re going to get me with your small group, and you’ll be able to ask me questions that tell me where you’re getting stuck. Tell me where you’re feeling like this is too hard. And having that with the women around you is going to completely change the game.

Yes, there’s going to be an action plan. And yes, there’s going to be workbooks. And, and yes, there’s going to be guest speakers. And yes, there’s going to be group coaching and biweekly QA. But the thing that I’m most excited about when it comes to worthy is that community, it’s the it’s the fact that you’re going to be with women who get it.

You’re never ever going to have to worry about someone saying you should have just left. You’re never going to have to worry about someone saying, Well, why did you stick around so long? No, this is women who get it who have been there who understand the headset, that their mindset that you’re in, and they also understand that they don’t want to live there.

They’re ready to grow with you how frickin powerful is that? Like seriously just thinking about it? I’m getting chills and it’s not even open yet.

Speaking of if you are listening to this today, this comes out on September 4 of 2020. I want you to know that worthy opens up tomorrow. It opens up tomorrow, September 5 worthy is open for enrollment and

I am so freaking excited about it. Now, it’s not going to be open forever. We are hitting the ground running in a few weeks, y’all on September 19, we are starting. So I’m only leaving it open until September 12. You’ve got one week, you have one week to take your chance and get in there with worthy. Why? Why am I closing enrollment, because for you founding members, because you guys are gonna be the first round of worthy, I really want to get to know you, I want to work with you on a really personal level, I want to keep this relatively small.

So then that way, we can work together and grow and get to know each other. So that that way when we open up again, you guys are gonna be able to help the new people, you guys are gonna be able to encourage them and show them what’s possible. When you see their work when you see your worth. And when you see and when you choose to heal and when you choose to take responsibility for your personal growth that is massive for me. And that is not something I take lightly at all and I’m so free

excited about it. Now y’all This opens up tomorrow. This is it’s going to be ready and waiting for you to jump in tomorrow. So go to karleighlynne.com/worthy to see everything you get to see the details and to get prepared like get ready is happening. So again karleighlynne.com/worthy.

This is going to be big y’all. I am I am setting out to change the narrative. When it comes to abuse recovery. I am setting out to change the narrative when it comes to abuse. I am out to change the narrative when it comes to women feeling afraid to walk out the front door. I am determined to change the conversation. It is time for us to grow and it is time for us to make a difference. And when you join worthy you are not only changing your life, but you are setting the stage to change the life for girls and women all over the world. When I say I’ve got big goals for worthy I am

I have goals that terrify me. So imagine how big those goals are. All right, well, I’m gonna wrap this up. Thank you so much for listening. Go find your tribe. Find your community. And if you are ready, if you are ready to jump in if you are ready to go after your best life, if you are ready to finally recover and let go of the past and see your future karleighlynne.com/worthy. Let’s go y’all I’m so excited.

And hey, never ever, ever forget that you are strong. You are capable, you are intelligent, and you are so freaking worthy. Alright boo. I love you so much. Talk to you soon.

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