As you guys know over the last couple weeks. I shared a few that I’m not only a confidence coach but I am also going to abuse recovery coach. I help women recover from abusive relationships. So that way they can live the life they are not only capable of living but that they deserve to live.
One of the messages that I get most frequently is one asking a version of the question: where do I start?
I totally understand that this initial panic of wanting to heal for being overwhelmed in not knowing what to do to start the process.
As a person who has floundered for years, I tried and failed several different things to get myself out of the funk to get myself on my recovery and healing Journey.
This is certainly not an extensive list, but this will get you started on the right track and I cannot wait to see you grow.
Get the self talk straight.
I know a lot of people roll their eyes when they hear this but I’m going to need you to stick with me.
If you want to go back and learn more about self-talk and why it’s important please go listen to episode 3 of this podcast. I get really deep about the psychology behind it and the Neuroscience of why it is so freaking important.
Here is the long and short of it – you can literally rewire your brain based on how you talk to yourself. Not on a woo woo level but an actual biological standpoint, it is time to pay more attention to how you talk to yourself. This is a lot easier said than done.
I know especially when you’re coming into abuse recovery because there was a good chance that your brain has been so beaten down that it doesn’t believe in itself at all. So what I start my clients out with of course is calling them out when they talk badly about themselves.
I want them to start paying attention when they call themselves stupid when they tell themselves that theyre not worthy. I want my clients and you to start paying attention to those things for the very first assignment.
The assignment I’m giving you is to add positive self-talk with affirmation. The affirmations that I start them off with and the affirmations that I’m in love with are:
I am strong.
I am capable.
I am intelligent.
I am worthy.
I see this at the end of every IGTV. I say it at the end of every single podcast because these are so important.
I want you to start saying this to yourself out loud while making eye contact with yourself in the mirror. I know this sounds weird, but bear with me once you listen to episode 3, this will make a whole lot more sense. I want you to do this every single morning and every night make it a habit, get disciplined and stick with them.
Even when it feels like nothing is happening repetition is so important for the brain. The more consistent you get with this the more your brain will believe that this is the truth. Your brain will begin to accept the fact that you are strong, that you are capable, that you are intelligent and that you are worthy.
I’m telling you. This is life-changing. This is brain changing.
If you do absolutely nothing else but do this with consistency and you’re going to see massive results.
Know the difference between taking care of yourself versus self care.
So often in abusive relationships, we forget how to take care of ourselves.
Yes there’s self care, which is very important, but it is just as important to learn the difference between the bare minimum of taking care of yourself and self-care.
Taking care of yourself is giving yourself the basic necessities that you would give a child to survive. That means showering regularly, eating food that makes you feel good, moving your body, drinking water, wearing clean clothes.
I know that seems pretty elementary but really this step to recovery will get you miles ahead if you start this right now. Personally, I really struggle with taking care of myself. I can go days without taking a shower because taking care of myself isn’t even on my priority list.
I am still learning to prioritize taking care of myself. So you’re not alone. We tend to forget about ourselves whether or not you’re recovering from abuse, but especially so when we’ve been conditioned by our abuser or abusers just things that are not worth taking care of so giving yourself the minimal essentials will help you feel so much more like yourself.
It will give you a sense of autonomy and control which is the exact thing that we want. Now know what taking care of yourself is, getting the self-care part down is just as important.
When I say self-care, I don’t mean just going to the spa or taking a 4-Hour bubble bath.
If those things are your jam do them! If you can, do them often.
But self care doesn’t have to be extravagant. Self care can be taking 10 minutes to yourself to read that book you bought last year. It can be listening to a podcast while you do the dishes. It could be having a dance party in the middle of the day.
Knowing the difference between taking care of yourself and self-care is crucial because you need both in your life. If you’re not showering regularly, but you’re sitting down and reading your book, you cannot say that you are taking care of yourself.
Keep reading the book, yes. But go take a shower, wash off, clean up, and put on clean clothes.
The last tip that I have to share on getting started on your abuse recovery journey is learning
how to set boundaries.
I know this topic cannot be covered in here. I’ve done to full podcast episodes on it and I still didn’t feel like it was being covered extensively enough. Because of that, on September 5th I am hosting a free masterclass all about building your boundaries.
The entire class is all about boundaries. An hour and a half to two hours of education on how to set boundaries confidently and how to keep them.
So if you want in on that if you want to get in there the one time that I’m going to be teaching this for free go to karleighlynne.com/boundaries to grab your spot. Live spots are limited and I don’t want you to miss it.
Boundaries are crucial; this includes boundaries with others as well as boundaries for yourself. You need to set them and stick to them. Now. I realize this is much easier said than done especially for those of us who are in abuse recovery, but it’s an important skill to learn.
Start by setting boundaries with yourself.
That means telling yourself that you’re not going to allow yourself to go beyond whatever boundary you set.
This could be setting a boundary for taking work calls after a certain time. It could be setting a boundary where you delete and block his number. Maybe you tell your kids you need 10 minutes of quiet. So you teach your kids how to give that to you.
Whatever it is, set the boundary and stick to it. Start with 21 days, then 30 days, 60 days.
The more you keep your boundaries, the stronger your boundary muscle will become.
This means that you’ll be able to start setting more boundaries, which will only help you go farther on your journey.
So these three tips are the biggest things that help me propel my journey forward: getting yourself talk right, taking care of yourself and providing self care and learning how to set and keep solid boundaries will change your life in ways you never expect
If you can commit to these three things and do absolutely nothing else you’ll see a dramatic amount of change. I know you can do it, you got this and please know that you’re never ever alone. Mighty hands are always open. You can find me on Instagram @karleigh.lynne.
Never ever ever forget that you are strong. You are capable. You are intelligent and you’re so freaking worthy.