Physical abuse is not the only kind of abuse. So often women think that because he didn’t hit her, that he’s not abusive. Here I’m going to break down some different types of abuse so you can see that just because it isn’t physical, it’s still abuse.
I do want to share a trigger warning with you guys.
I share some examples of some of these different kinds of abuse and I just want to make sure that no one is going to be triggered.
So if you are someone that thinks you may be triggered hearing about these different kinds of abuse, please do not listen. I want you to be very careful and listen with caution.
So many women reach out to me and say well he didn’t hit me so it doesn’t really count as abuse.
When I say this statement riles me up I mean it.
Just because someone doesn’t put their hands on you does not mean that they are not abusive.
Physical abuse is certainly abuse.
However, its not the only kind of abuse.
In fact, I would say that I was far more impacted by the mental things that were done to me than anything physical bruises heal trauma stays in your brain. So again, I am not trying to take away from the physical abuse at all. I know that there are so many women that dont get out because of the physical abuse that they went through but they did not survive.
So I am not taking away from that at all. But I want you to realize that is not the only form of abuse. I know the list that I’m about to share is not an extensive list by any means, but I just want to share with you how abuse can happen without a bruise. I never kind of abuse and this is something else we hear quite a bit about is
I hate how downplayed this is because again, this causes major trauma in the brain and this is the stuff that sticks with you verbal abuse is when someone says You are stupid. Youre so dumb. I can’t believe I put up with you. things like that any variation of that no matter how mild or how aggressive it becomes that is verbal abuse and that is generally how abusive relationships start I’ll also say that there is generally some form of at least two or three kinds of abuse present in just about every abusive relationship.
So it’s not like you need to go in and pinpoint. Oh, this one is this one and this one is that one. I’m just stating these from that way. You can go, “oh my gosh, that’s abuse? Really? I was abused. Maybe that’s why my brain is doing what it’s doing.”
When you don’t know the different forms of abuse, you can easily succumb to the fact that you can easily succumb to the thought that you’re just crazy and I promise you you’re not but I’ll get to that in a second.
So verbal abuse is when someone verbally tells you that you are dumb stupid unworthy. You don’t belong here. But no, none of what you say matters. This doesn’t have to be aggressive either. It can just be continual snide comments of “oh my gosh, youre so stupid” over and over and over again.
Now this can also be the type of abuse or they get in your face and they yell at you without touching you. That is verbal abuse and that is also a form of manipulation, but I will get to that in a moment.
Next is spiritual abuse.
This is when someone will use a religion or belief system against you For example, I am saying this carefully I am a believer. I personally believe in God, whether you do or do not is none of my concern.
I’m just sharing what I know and I know that this can be taken out of context. And so I wanted to make sure that I was clear about that ahead of time but a form of spiritual abuse is,
“I’m the man you’re the woman the Bible says that I’m above you so you have to take whatever I give you.”
“You have to have sex with me because youre a woman and I’m the man you have to take my abuse because God says that I’m above you.”
situations like that is spiritual abuse, of course that has some form of verbal in there as well because they’re using their words to abuse you but it’s when they use a religion or belief system against you into a place where you feel like in order to be a part of that belief system you have to do what they say.
Financial abuse is when they take away your right to the money. So you are financially dependent on them and you’re stuck with them.
This can also play a part within a physically abusive relationship as well where you feel like you can’t leave because you don’t have any money. You don’t have any access to the resources that you need to get out and they do that so then that way you feel stuck and you can’t go anywhere. So if you don’t have access to credit cards, you don’t have access to the bank account any of that information that is financial abuse and they are doing it to hold you captive.
Again, this was not an extensive list by any means I am still learning about all the different forms of abuse can take but this other form of abuse that I’m going to talk about also falls into the verbal because they are using their word obviously, but it is manipulation and gaslighting.
I did not know what gaslighting was. Until probably last year, which is crazy to me because I didn’t know that it was a thing and it was a common thing. Until 2 years after I was out.
Gaslighting is when someone makes you feel crazy and makes you feel like what actually happened didn’t happen. So for example, he hits you and then later on you bring it up and he goes,
What are you talking about? I didn’t hit you.
What are you saying? I didn’t touch you.
I didn’t lay a hand on you. You fell into the dresser this morning.
I don’t know why you’re saying I did that. Why would you say I did that?
Why are you so crazy? It’s like you’re a psycho or something.
When you call them out for telling you that you’re stupid and they just say that never happened.
I don’t know why you’re saying that.
Are you dreaming things again?
Are you daydreaming again?
You really need help.
That is gaslighting and the manipulation goes right along with the gas lighting as well.
Oh my gosh. You’re so lucky I put up with you.
You’re such a handful. You’re such a pain in the ass.
I can’t believe this.
Can you imagine how lucky you are looking at how lucky you are that you have someone to put up with you? No one else is going to want you.
Manipulation constantly puts you down. The costly calling you names telling you, youre worthless reminding you how stupid you are they will make mistakes and then put some mistake on you and blame you for it. And then guess what you want to think it was your fault to begin with.
Another form of gaslighting and manipulation is that they cheat on you and you call him out on it and they say
“I wouldn’t have had to do that.”
“If you did this, it’s only because you won’t do X Y and Z its only because you don’t want to do this with me”
and then they keep putting it on you that is manipulation. And that is abuse.
No I want you to really really really hear me here. If any of these hit home for you and you’re currently in that situation.
Please get out.
So often and this is what happened in my personal situation is it starts out with this stuff. It starts out with a non-physical abuse first and then it escalates.
Do not wait for a bruise to happen before you leave.
I am not being dramatic when I say you may not have another chance. Too many women have lost their lives at the hands of abusers because they just didn’t get out in time.
I am not blaming anyone. I am begging you. I am on my knees and begging you. Please do not stay in these situations. You do deserve better. You are worthy of more. You can get more, you deserve respect, you do not deserve to be treated like you’re crazy and let me tell you you’re not crazy.
I spent years and years and years blaming myself thinking that it was my fault when all that happened is I trusted the wrong person. I believed the wrong person. That blame is not on me. Unfortunately, it is my responsibility to heal from it, but it was not my fault.
What happened to me and I want to make that very very clear. What happened is not your fault. Please get out. If you need help if you need out if you don’t know what to do, my DMs are always open. I am happy to help you find resources to get out. I don’t care where you are. I don’t care what state, country whatever I will do whatever I can to help you get out as soon as possible. If you don’t reach out to me, please reach out to somebody.
Google the domestic violence hotline retail do do something, please if this is something that you’ve experienced in the past you deserve to heal. Whether you got out 10, 15, 20 years ago or you got out yesterday you deserve to heal and you deserve to recover and you do not have to go through this alone here within the next couple of weeks worthy.
My group coaching membership program is opening up and it is for women who have gotten out of abusive relationships. Whether you got out 10 years ago or you got out 10 minutes ago. You are welcome.
And Worthy is for you.
Worthy is a place where I’m not only going to coach you on your recovery journey, but you’re also going to connect with other women who know what its like who will never say you should have just left who you will never ask you to explain yourself and justify your emotions.
You’re going to be around women who understand and get it. Go to karleighlynne.com/worthy to see all that’s in there to get on that waitlist.
It opens on September 5th. It’s not going to be open forever. I am going to start diving deep with this founding group that gets into worthy. So I want to make sure that we can run together to go get on the waitlist karleighlynne.com/worthy.
So that what you do not miss you don’t miss the opening and you don’t miss your chance to get in on the ground floor of War. Worthy is going to change the world. It’s going to change the conversation when it comes to abuse recovery and abusive and Abuse Prevention and that’s something that you definitely want to be a part of.
Girl, never ever ever forget.
You are strong.
You are capable.
You are so intelligent.
You’re so damn worthy.