Episode 34: Grace is your new BFF

Hey boo and welcome to another episode of the confidence in ground up podcast.

I’m your host Karleigh Saunders and I am your confidence coach. I am obsessed with All Things personal growth, personal development, and helping you realize your self worth.

Today is going to be short and sweet and to the point because this message is something that I want to make sure that you can listen to over and over again, I have to remind myself of this constantly.

And honestly, there are times that I completely forget my friends have to remind me about this.

So I totally understand the frustration I understand the resistance and I understand the being hard on yourself part.

But today’s episode is all about Christ, and how grace needs to be your BFF grace needs to be your sidekick grace needs to

be the thing that you lean on. Life is hard. Okay? The world is insane right now I get it. But even aside from that you’re going through a lot.

You have a lot going on in your own personal life. You have a lot going on in your work life. And then the world’s also going to crap as well, like, dang, things are crazy.

And you’re working on your personal growth. This isn’t easy, it’s hard. You’re trying to recover from an abusive past. That’s hard. I’m so proud of you for doing it. But that’s hard.

The last thing that you need to do is beat yourself up. This is a pattern that we as a human species I have found I’ve gotten into but particularly women, we beat ourselves up so much. We give ourselves a list of 500 things to do.

And instead of celebrating the 50 things we got done, we beat ourselves up for the 450 things we didn’t.

Not only is that setting up for completely unrealistic expectations, but it’s telling our brains that we’re not worth celebrating. It’s telling our brains that we’re not worth giving a crap about, because how dare we celebrate the 50 things we got done? Why celebrate all of the amazing things that we just did.

When there’s still so much left to do.

On that topic alone, I could talk about a lot of things but short story long. Grace, you need to give yourself grace.

Grace needs to be the thing you turn to for when you start to be hard on yourself. Now, hear me here. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t push yourself. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t work hard. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t push through the hard things. Try

me keep doing that. But what I’m talking about are those moments where we beat ourselves up for any and everything.

There’s a song that I am obsessed with right now by Demi Lovato called I love me. That song is such an amazing song. I think it’s so great. I think it needs to be every woman’s theme song. But there’s a part in it where she says

I’m a black belt I beating up on myself, but I’m an expert at giving love to somebody else.

Does that rings true to you as it did with me? like come on now Debbie’s essentially taken us to church preach. We are so good at telling others to have grace. We are so good at lifting others up. We are so good at giving others a second chance. But for us we beat up on ourselves the moment things don’t go right. We beat up on ourselves.

moment that we slip up, we beat up on ourselves a moment that things get hard because it shouldn’t be hard because we should be further along than we are right now.

This has got to stop. Right now what you’re doing when you beat yourself up, is that solidifies in your brain? That’s a normal and acceptable thing. It goes into your brain and actually harms it. It creates connections where it begins to not believe in itself or you don’t believe in yourself.

How are you supposed to push past all the hard stuff? How are you supposed to take off towards your best life? When you’re telling yourself that you’re doing it wrong, that you’re not doing enough that you’re not good enough?

So often, we hear that dramatic. Life’s never going to get better for me, sort of thing.

And yes, a part of that is if you tell yourself that then that’s going to be

Your future and that’s just that.

But if you don’t give yourself grace, that will be your future. Giving yourself Grace is not giving yourself permission to be mediocre.

Giving yourself Grace is saying, You know what? I gave it my absolute best. It’s okay that I came in second, because I gave it everything that I had.

It’s okay that I got stuck here, because this trauma runs deep.

It’s okay that I had to pause the podcast because I just couldn’t handle the intensity.

It’s okay that I had to reread that chapter several times because the point just wasn’t hitting home.

It’s okay. Grace is giving yourself permission to be human. Now, I know there’s someone out there that is really resistant to this. There’s someone out there that going that that’s great for other people, but for me

You don’t get it. For me, I’ve been really lazy in my past. For me, I was told that I wasn’t good enough in my past. For me, I have to earn my love. I have to earn my parents love, I have to earn my friends love, I have to earn the care of my boss, I have to earn all this stuff. So I can’t Grace is great for other people, but it’s not great for me.

Take a second and be on the other side of that.

If your friend came to you and said that stuff to you, saying, I don’t deserve this. I’m too lazy. I have to earn my love. I have to earn the attention. I have to earn the care. I have to do all these things and I can never rest until I get all of it. What would you say?

What would you say to your friend who’s really struggling? What would you say to your friend that is beating herself up right in front of you?

Would you say you’re right, you don’t deserve it. Keep working work harder.

You’re not working hard enough. If you worked harder than it wouldn’t be so hard. If you worked harder, it would have happened already. If you worked harder things would be so much easier. Come on, you’ve got to stop being lazy.

Would you say that to your friend?

Honestly, I really hope not. Because if anyone talked to me like that I’d be like peace.

Or would you say, Oh my gosh, you’re doing great. Look at all of the things you’ve done. Things aren’t perfect, but you’re doing amazing, you’re doing the best you can. And that’s more than the rest of the world. And I’m so proud of you.

If that’s what you would say to your friend,

then that’s what you need to say to yourself.

You have got to give yourself grace. If you do not give yourself grace at every turn, if you do not give yourself grace, with the missing of every goal, if you do not give yourself grace. When you get

Second fall behind. If you do not give yourself grace for life getting hard and being triggered, you will never grow.

I am a very, very, very goal oriented person, I am a very results oriented person, I was the person that if I did not get 100%, if I got a 98, I’d beat myself up over the 2% I didn’t get.

I’m the type of person that wanted to do everything perfectly. And even if I got 100, but I didn’t get the extra credit points. I was worthless. So girl, I get it. I understand.

I know how you want to stand out and you want to be different because you know that you’re capable of more and you know that your potential is higher than that.

And I get that and I want you to stop seeing that as Oh, I need to live up to that and start saying is okay, that’s me and I’m already there.

I want you to start seeing that and going okay, that’s me right now. I know I can do this. I’m not fighting for the 100 but I’m going to give my absolute best

Ever because I know that I can.

And give yourself grace for the 2%. Give yourself grace when you fall short.

If you fail, Grace.

if you win, Grace.

if you mess up, Grace.

if you get it all the way done, Grace.

if you didn’t stick to a goal, Grace.

if you achieve the goal, Grace.

Grace needs to be your best friend. Grace needs to be the thing that’s always standing by your side. Grace needs to be there. When you fall. You need to make friends with grace and stop running from her. She is there for you to pick you up when you fall.

But you have to allow her to do the work.

Give yourself grace.

You are doing your absolute best

You are fighting for your best life. That’s pretty freaking amazing.

And hey, I need you to stop for a second I need you to put down the dishes. If you’re driving, please, I’ll stop the car, unless it’s safe to do so.

Put down the book, put down the work. I need you to hear me for a second. I want your ears to perk up and I want you to really focus on what I’m about to say.

You deserve grace.

You deserve grace. I don’t care what your past looks like. I don’t care what your current looks like. The fact of the matter is, you deserve grace. You are worthy of grace.

It’s there. It’s yours. It’s waiting for you. If you choose to accept it.

Girl. Stop pushing so hard that you don’t allow yourself to revel in how far you’ve come.

Give yourself grace.

You’ll notice that once you give yourself grace, there’s a whole lot less stress. When you give yourself grace, you can find yourself running faster. When you give yourself grace, you find yourself being more productive because you’re no longer beating yourself up and putting yourself down, which all of that takes a lot of mental energy. By the way. When you give yourself grace, you free up so much brain space, you’re going to find yourself tackling things that you thought were going to take years. They took months. Something that you thought you weren’t going to be able to start for another month you started yet you started yesterday. You started today.

Grace needs to be your best friend and she wants to be if you want her.

Thank you so much for listening guys. I know this episode was short and sweet, but I want it to be something that you can constantly return to. I want this to be something that when you need a pep talk, you can come back and go okay, I just need my grace refill, because I need it sometimes too. I have friends in my corner that are constantly reminding me to give myself grace.

And I’m so appreciative to them.

Alright y’all before I wrap up, I wanted to tell you really quick about my boundaries class that is happening on September 5 2020.

At 10am Pacific Standard Time, I am hosting a build your boundaries free masterclass.

It’s going to be an hour and a half to two hours of legit teaching and breaking it down and by the end of the class, you’re going to know how to confidently set boundaries and keep them

Breaking it down step by step you’re gonna have everything you need to take off and live your life without worrying about what others think without worrying about other people in general.

You need boundaries boundaries are not pushing people away. And I heard this on alaka, sauces, podcasts the other day, she had a guest and I cannot think of her name.

But it was that boundaries are not saying that you don’t matter boundaries, were saying that I matter to.

So when you’re putting up those boundaries, you’re just telling other people that you respect yourself enough to say, Hey, I matter too.

This is going to be the only time I’m teaching it for free. It’s going to be at 10am pacific standard time on September 5. There will be a limited time replay that goes out and then after it’s going to be a course that’s up for purchase. So if you want to see it for free, go ahead and go to karleighlynne.com/boundaries slash boundaries and snag your spot.

Live spots are limited. So if you want to see it live make sure you get in there and you hop on at 10am pacific standard time probably five to 10 minutes early to make sure you get in.

But if you can’t make it that’s totally cool. A limited time replay will be sent out. Just don’t miss this. Do not miss this. I’m so excited. My last class shout your story went so well. It was so well received. I could not wait to do another one as boundaries class is gonna be so so freakin good. I can’t wait.

Thank you guys again for listening. You have no idea how much I look forward to this every single week. You have no idea how much I appreciate every single one of you.

And never, ever, ever forget that you are strong. You are capable. You are intelligent, and you are so dang worthy.

And you deserve grace. I love you guys so much. We’ll talk soon

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