‘Why’ is one of the most powerful words in existence. Why? Because it can give us answers to the things we are most desperate to know (see what I did there?).
So often we run from why because we don’t truly want to know. Because if we actually know why something is happening, our excuses go out the window and we have to face it. As a coach, I see this time and time again. But more often than not, we don’t even really know what to ask or where to place the why. We’re so overwhelmed with the chaos going on in our brain that we just decide to ignore it altogether.
What we don’t realize, however, is that avoiding it doesn’t help. It only makes the situation worse. If we were to just face the problem, get to the root of the reason why something is happening, then we can address it, heal from it, and continue with our lives free of that burden.
But where do you even start? I’m going to show you.
Enter in the Why Test.
The Why Test is something that I have found to work incredibly well.
If I am being completely honest, it can seem repetitive and annoying. But if you stick with it and do the work, I promise it will help.
The Why Test is basically what it sounds like. It’s asking yourself ‘why’ repetitively to get to the root of the problem.
For example, maybe you struggle with saying no to people, particularly in intimate situations. In this case, the Why Test would be about digging in and finding the ‘why’ behind your struggle to say no to some people but not to others.
Pull out a journal or record yourself having this conversation.
This needs to be documented in some way so you can dig into it.
Normally I’m all about the journaling. But sometimes, particularly in cases like this, it’s easier to talk things out than write them because we can speak faster than we can write. If writing is going to hold up the process, just speak into the voice recorder on your phone or computer. As long as it’s something you can go back to and look at, you’re good.
Let’s get into it.
First, think of a time where you struggled to say no.
Why couldn’t you say no?
Write down the answer. Maybe it’s because you were afraid that he wouldn’t stay with you.
Why does that bother you?
Maybe you’re afraid to be alone.
Why are you afraid to be alone?
Maybe it’s because you feel unwanted and if he leaves you, then that makes you right.
Why does being alone make you feel unwanted?
Maybe it’s because your dad wasn’t there for you or your mom was so busy with work she didn’t pay enough attention to you.
Do you see how this gets deeper and deeper?
Do you see how enlightening this can be?
When you realize that the reason you struggle to say no is because your dad left when you were young, you know that you need to work through the abandonment issues. This gives you a starting point.
The key here is to ask why at least 5 times and to really think about your answers.
If you rush through this process, you won’t dig as deep as you need to. Go into it with an open mind so you can allow yourself to get the answers you need.
The more whys you ask, the deeper and more clear the answer will be.
So often we run from the why because it makes us uncomfortable. Personal growth and moving past our excuses isn’t fun. It’s hard work.
But here’s the deal:
you can continue to do what you’ve always done and continue to get the same result.
Or you can put in the work, accept the discomfort for a short time, and then open yourself up to brand new opportunities that you haven’t experienced before.
Before I wrap things up here, I want you to know how proud of you I am. There are quite a few people that opened this post and closed it without finishing. There are even less people who read 75% of this. But you read this all the way through to the end. That means that you’re open to change, you’re open to growth, and that’s rare. I am so dang proud of you for that.
But unless you do the work, you won’t experience the growth. Unless you do the work, you won’t see the change. So do yourself a favor and do this work. Do the Why Test on anything you’re struggling with. Do you struggle with anger? The Why test will help. It’s actually what helped me to realize why I had the anger issues I had growing up. Do you struggle with being vulnerable? The Why Test will help.
You can’t grow and change if you don’t know what’s going on. You can’t find the treasure if you don’t have a map. The map won’t do the work for you; you still have to fight through the obstacles and make sure you’re on track. But the map will guide you to the treasure of your dreams. The map will empower you to go after healing and show you that it’s possible.
If you struggle with something that you just can’t seem to get past, it may be time for help. Once you’ve identified why you do something, it may be something that you can’t get through on your own.
And you don’t have to.
Asking for help is a sign of strength. If you’re ready to get that help, and you would like me to be the person to guide you, I am honored.
Schedule your free consultation call with me. As a coach, I will help you get to the root of your why and begin to bust right through those walls. This call will determine if it’s something I can help with.
Even if you don’t decide to work with me, you’ll leave encouraged and ready to find the help you need. Click here to schedule your call!