167: Are you ‘a lot?’

Have you ever been told that you’re too much?

You’re too loud, too quiet, your personality is too big or too small.

Too whatever.

If so, you’re not alone.

I was having a conversation with my mom a few weeks ago and it hit me that yes, I AM a lot.

Your first reaction to that statement is probably “no, Karleigh! You’re not!” And this is nothing against you, but I hate that.

The truth is that I AM a lot and there’s nothing wrong with that.

It’s the same idea as when someone says “you’re not fat, you’re beautiful!”

Homie, I never said I wasn’t beautiful. I’m both fat AND beautiful – they’re not mutually exclusive. Fat isn’t a negative thing – it’s a descriptor like tall or short.

I think of things a lot differently than most of the world. Compared to the average person, I’m a lot. I feel a lot, I talk a lot, I experience a lot, I see so much magic in the world and I’m obsessed with it. I think deeper, I move more intentionally, I connect a lot more, I’m more energy sensitive.

I AM a lot and that’s not a bad thing.

The truth is that not everyone is cut out to handle a lot and that’s ok. If you think of me as ‘a lot’ and it’s too much for you, then I’m not the person for you and that’s totally fine!

Why would I be upset that you came to the conclusion that we’re not a good fit?

I celebrate that. I’d much rather you recognize that I’m not the person for you now than waste both of our time.

Whether it’s romantic, platonic, hiring a coach, listening to a podcast, following on social media, you need to find your people.

And if I’m not your people – that’s ok.

I am a cup-overflowing type of person. I have SO MUCH to give my goal is to fill as many empty cups as possible.

I know the direction that my life is going and I love who I’m becoming. And it’s a LOT. That makes me SO incredibly happy.

There are so many people running on empty, that don’t even know where the faucet is. They need someone who’s willing to be a lot to fill it up.

I’m not trying to humble brag. I want you to really understand what I’m saying.

This is so important because if we walk around thinking that we are ‘a lot’, it’ll push us right back to the place where we were when we believed that we didn’t deserve love. We lost our connection to who we are because we so wanted to be accepted.

If you don’t have a firm grasp on your a lotness, your enoughness, your MORE than enoughness, it’s really easy to slip back into settling for dangerous patterns.

Boo, you are enough.

You are more than enough, as you are, right now.

If you get stuck in thinking you’re a lot, that’s a beautiful thing. There are so many people who are desperate for a sip of water and you’re overflowing with it.

Does this mean that some people are not going to like your likeness? Yep.

Are some people going to be rude about it? Yep. It sucks. But that’s reality.

Are some people going to be a little put off by it? Yep.

But there are people who are going to be so grateful for you in all of your a lottness, in your enoughness.

You are a lot and that’s a GOOD thing.

You are a lot of a person. A lot of love, a lot of energy, a lot of power, a lot of strength, a lot of capapbility, a lot of worth.

Does this mean your circle will get smaller? Yes.

When you embrace yourself and all that you are, you let go of what the world wants for you. People leave in droves and it’s the hardest thing. All of the sudden people are walking away and it has you second guessing yourself that maybe you are too much.

It doesn’t mean they’re bad people.

They’re on their own journey which doesn’t always match with yours. Just because the path splits doesn’t mean that you’re too much.

The world needs you to fully own your a lottness.

I’m not saying that this is easy or that it’s just flipping a switch. It takes time and work to let go of our restraints around our alottness.

This really stood out to me when I wanted to post something on Twitter but I was so scared that this community of people I’ve connected with (and the dude I have a crush on) would think.

“Is this too much? Am I too weird? What if they don’t talk to me anymore?”

That’s when I knew I needed to post it. I need them to know that I think deeply. They need to know that I love a lot, feel a lot, connect a lot, talk a lot.

If they don’t like me after seeing this, they’re not my people. Does this mean they’re bad people? Of course not!

What it means is that they know who I am truly and not a curated mask of myself. I don’t ever again want to dilute myself just to make someone else feel comfortable. I did that for over 20 years and I’m not going back.

If someone is put off by my a lottness, that’s fine.

I don’t want them to waste their energy feeling uncomfortable.

Pretending to be something that I’m not is not only disrespectful to myself, but it’s disrespectful to them. I’m deciding for them what they want and don’t want in a person. They’re getting to know someone that doesn’t really exist.

I want them to know, the world to know, my fullness, my complete light in all of my beautiful, perfectly imperfect self.

I know that’s terrifying. From the time we’re kids, we’re taught that we to fit in, that we just need to do what we are told.

What matters is that you shut up, bite your tongue, and fit in by doing what the rest of the world is doing.

Take a look at where that’s gotten us and ask yourself if that’s what you want to be apart of.

We live in a society where abuse is not only normalized, but it’s glorified. We live in a society that spits on people who are authentically themselves and wants everyone to go jump off a cliff together.

I’m not doing that anymore.

You need to look in the mirror and ask yourself who you are.

If you’re not authentically yourself, what character are you playing?

That can be incredibly difficult especially if you don’t know who you are right now.

But asking yourself these tough questions can get you moving in the right direction.

Who are you playing? Are you being someone just because someone else wants you to be that person? Are you being who your parents want you to be, who your kids want you to be? Who your partner, bullies in high school, friends, teachers wanted you to be?

Or are you truly yourself?

If you don’t have answers to these questions yet, that’s ok. Embrace it.

Recognize that you have literally the world at your fingertips. You have full permission to play and fail and try something new.

Slowly but surely you’re going to find who you are.

How do you know if you’re acting or if you’re yourself?

First things first: who are you when you’re home alone vs when you’re around other people?

I’m not saying to lay yourself bare to anyone and everyone. That’s not safe, especially when we’re healing from abusive relationships.

If you find yourself in a room where you want to say something but scared if they’ll think you’re ‘too much’ or ‘too stupid’ or ‘too whatever’, you’re probably playing a character.

This is different than choosing your battles if you’re in a room with tumultuous people.

There are certain conversations I don’t participate in because people bring them up for the sole reason of arguing.

But if you’re keeping yourself small because you’re worried about people walking away, that’s a problem.

Losing people, especially when you thought they cared about you, is incredibly difficult. It sucks.

As much as it hurts, however, that’s ok. Surround yourself with people who care about YOU and not the character you’ve created.

Just because someone isn’t for you doesn’t mean they’re a bad person, you’re just not a fit.

Sometimes they are bad people and you can be grateful that the trash took itself out.

If you’re in a situation where you desperately want to be yourself but you feel wrong or scared, you’re probably playing a character.

When you were a kid, or from the abusive relationship, that you were told to sit down, shut up, you’re always in the way and everything is your fault.

That makes me so angry and breaks my heart.

It’s not your fault. You are you for a reason.

Sometimes that reason, honestly, is trauma. Part of the healing process is learning who you are underneath that.

Once you do work through that and if you find that you’re a lot, that’s beautiful.

You are perfectly imperfect in all of your humanness.

I hope that this post helped you see that your a lottness is something to celebrate, not hide.

I’d love to hear how you’re going to start embracing your a lottness! Feel free to reach out to me on Instagram – my DMs are always open.

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