131: You Get to Decide Your Life

Your words, and ultimately your beliefs, determine your success.

I received a DM from a woman that I’ve known for a few years on Facebook. We were having a conversation back and forth about singleness and how she feels like she’s never going to find her person.

She’s scared of being alone.
She’s never going to be okay on her own.
She’s just a codependent person.

My response?

“I’m going to share some tough love with you. If that’s what you believe, then that’s going to be your truth. You can heal from that. You can choose to recover from that and begin to move forward. You don’t have to be the codependent person.

But if you tell yourself that you’re never going to be okay alone and you’re always going to be lonely, that’s going to be your truth.”

It made me realize that I needed that wake up call, too.

It seems harsh, but its true.

But really quick, what I’m NOT saying is that by all the sudden not saying those things about yourself or all of a sudden just believing that healing is possible that everything is going to be easy.

If it was that easy, I would have done it a long time ago.

But unfortunately, it’s not.

When you tell yourself “I’m just a codependent person” and “I’m never going to be ok on my own,” that’s what your brain is going to grab onto.

Is it because change is impossible? Not at all.

Is it because you’re not capable? Not even a little bit.

It’s because that’s the belief that you’re hammering on your brain over and over again.

What incentive does your brain have to begin to heal and change it’s way of thinking when you’re constantly telling it change won’t happen?

For a deeper dive on self talk, check out this video.

If you tell yourself that you’re stupid over and over again, your brain believes it. That actually becomes a physical connection within your brain.

So when you call yourself stupid, your brain believes it because it’s been embedded into it’s DNA.

But if you begin to tell yourself that you’re smart, your brain isn’t going to believe it right away.

It has all of these years of “you’re stupid” locked into it that it’s going to take time to change. It doesn’t want to believe that you’re smart because it’s new.

But does that mean you’re not smart? Not at all!

It just means we have to be extra vigilant on what we say to ourselves.

If you begin to show some compassion to your brain and say “No, you ARE smart. You CAN do this. I know you can figure this out!”

Eventually your brain is going to catch on that this belief isn’t going anywhere and it will start to believe it.

It won’t happen in a day. It may not happen in a week, month, or year. But there will come a day where you suddenly believe in yourself. And THAT’S where the magic happens.

I know we’re an impatient society, but here’s the deal. Time is going to pass anyway. It’s a non renewable resource. The minute that just passed, you will never get again.

Do you want to spend that non renewable resource on this belief that you can’t do it? Do you want to spend this non renewable resource being a victim of your circumstances?

Or would you rather commit to the process, regardless of how much time and work it takes?

I don’t know you and I don’t know your life. But I do know that you are worthy of a life that is more than mediocre. I do know that it’s possible to move forward from those things.

I’m not saying that some day it’ll magically be easy or you’ll be perfect. You’ll still have triggered responses and days that just suck.

But overall your life is going to be so much better.

What I mean is that you’re going to go out and truly see the potential that you have. You’re going to be able to do the things that terrify you. They’re going to give you so much fulfillment because you’re gonna look back and go, “Oh, my gosh, I did that.”

This concept took me a lot longer to accept than it needed to only because of my own stubbornness and pride. It doesn’t need to take as long for you.

The number of women that I talk to that are in their 60s and 70s that spent their lives hating themselves breaks my heart. They always say “it’s amazing that you’re figuring all of this stuff out now. I wasted my whole life.”

How you choose to live your life is 100% your business, and no one has any right to judge you based on how you live your life.

Whatever you choose to do after listening to this, whatever you choose to do in your life is your business, not mine.

But I just want to make sure you have the opportunity to know that you don’t have to settle. You don’t have to allow mediocre. I know personal responsibility is so scary.

Taking responsibility for your actions, taking responsibility for your life is absolutely terrifying. But it’s one of the most empowering things that you can do.

When you take responsibility for your life, you take control of your future. And when you do that, you’re able to do things that you never thought possible.

So boo, it’s up to you.

If you want to continue to tell yourself that the way things are the way they are, and things are never going to change. That’s your right.

But just know that if there’s a tingling inside of you that you think maybe there’s more out there for you, you should listen to it.

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. I want you to know that I’m incredibly proud of you.

If you want to take that first step but you don’t know what to do, check out my free five day confidence course. In less than 20 minutes a day for 5 days, I give you the exact skills you need in order to build the skill of confidence and take your life back. The more confidence you build, the less you’ll allow your own fears to hold you back. Click here to grab yours!

You’ve got this, boo!

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