We have got to stop prioritizing the abusers life over the victim.
I see this happen so often. This is something that I’ve experienced personally. It’s something that my friends have gone through.
I see it all the time on TikTok and Twitter.
A friend of mine reached out to me and told me about her experience with this.
For whatever reason, we find it completely appropriate to look at a survivor, who is sharing the most vulnerable part of their life, and say “you don’t want to ruin his reputation.”
This is why survivors do not come forward. Because guess what? As survivors, we have been so beaten down physically and/or emotionally to the point where we feel extremely guilty for even mentioning the fact that someone hurt us.
Then when we finally do speak up, you have the audacity to say, “Don’t ruin their reputation.”
A survivor of abuse cannot ruin what the abuser already ruined.
If you are someone who thinks it’s okay and acceptable to tell a survivor to sit down and shut up because you’re concerned for the abuser, their blood is on your hands.
We live in a twisted society where we feel like if we don’t talk about it, it didn’t happen.
The reality is that if we talk about it or not, it happens. But if we DON’T talk about it, it’s going to keep happening.
The victim’s life has been forever changed. There is no more life before what happened to them. There is no more existing outside of that trauma that is permanently etched in their life. The abuser completely ripped their life out of their hands and you’re worried about ‘harming’ theirs? Seriously?
When someone gets out of an abusive relationship and the abuser jumps right into another one, they’re taking ownership of the conversation. They’re going to convince the next partner that the prior victim was crazy. Yhey’re going to convince them that they’re going to say all sorts of nonsense.
If the first victim tries to warn the next, they’re ignored.
The cycle then continues.
When we don’t speak up there are lives at stake.
I understand that it’s uncomfortable. Sometimes the details of abuse can be gruesome, I get that. But we’ve got to start getting uncomfortable.
I am sick and tired of seeing victims get spit on and blamed for everything.
We need to stop looking at the victim and asking ‘Why didn’t you leave’ and start looking at the abuser and say ‘why did you do that?’
But that’s uncomfortable, isn’t it?
It’s so much easier to look at the person who’s beaten down and bruised. But to turn around and look at the person that you may look up to and admit that they did this heinous, sick thing? That’s too hard.
This is a backwards society.
This is a backwards conversation.
To the survivor: speak up.
To the victim that doesn’t feel like a survivor.
For the victim that feels like they’ve got duct tape over their mouths.
To the victim who doesn’t want to wake up tomorrow.
Share your story.
I don’t care how many times you’ve been told to shut up and to leave it alone. I couldn’t possibly care less how many times you’ve been told you need to protect someone else’s reputation.
When you share your story, it inspires so many others to do the same.
I should not have to sit here and give you permission to share about what happened to you. I should not have to give you permission to talk about your life.
Your voice matters. Your voice is where the power is.
If you don’t speak up, then they know that they won. They spent the entire relationship beating the confidence out of you to get you to stay quiet.
Anyone who tells you otherwise doesn’t need to be in your life. Anyone who tells you otherwise is just as bad as the person who did it.
You have spent far too long thinking that you’re worthless. You spent far too long thinking that you don’t deserve better you do.
I want you to know I believe you and your story can change the world.
My hope is that when you’re ready, you share that story because people need it.
I am here doing what I do because 12 year old me needed to hear it.
So when you’re ready, share your story.
Take your power back. You deserve that.
If you don’t know where to start but you want to heal so you can share your story, check out this playlist on my YouTube channel. This will show you exactly what to do as you begin your recovery journey.