119: It’s Time to Forgive Yourself

It’s time to forgive yourself.

You may not even realize it but you’ve been holding onto a lot of guilt from the abuse and trauma that you’ve gone through.

You feel like you should’ve left sooner, that if it was that bad you would’ve dumped him instead of the other way around. Then there’s the guilt for the way you treated friends and family.

You’re kicking yourself because of the toxic behavior that leached through your personality from your trauma.

I understand how heavy this can feel.

In fact, we almost don’t even want to let go of it.

We feel as if we are undeserving of a guilt free life, we’re undeserving of forgiveness. It’s our lot in life to carry this with us as penance for what happened – what was done to us.

If you relate to this, boo you are so not alone. I’ve been there.

In fact I’m working through a lot of self forgiveness myself.

Something that I am slowly coming to terms with is the fact that I was molested by a babysitter’s son as a young child. At the time I didn’t know it was wrong, I thought it was normal. I thought this is how I got love and attention.

While I never enjoyed it, I thought it was normal.

I carry a lot of guilt for the normality around it.

The guilt that I wanted it weighs heavy on my soul. The fact that I was sad when it didn’t happen because I assumed that it was the normal thing to do.

So I’m working on forgiving the little girl inside of me that thought love meant giving your physical body to them. I’m forgiving the little me that believes that love only comes in the objectification of self.

While it may seem silly on the outside – I was a little girl who was touched by a sick human, what do I have to forgive myself for?

But unfortunately, it’s hard for me to bring that logic into it. So instead of stuffing these feelings down, I’m forgiving myself. I’m letting myself feel whatever I need to feel and processing through it.

Take this time to give yourself permission to practice forgiveness.

It’s not some one and done thing – it’s a practice, it’s a choice you have to make every single day. 

Some days are easier than others. Some days you’ll feel more worthy than others.

That’s ok.

What matters is that you’re taking that next step.

That step isn’t just a baby one – it’s a stride that bridges a massive gap between who you are and who you want to be. And that’s beautiful.

You are so deserving and worthy of forgiveness.

Forgive yourself.

You’ve got this, boo.

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