How do I set solid boundaries?
This question comes up everywhere, be it on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube.
I’m noticing that the issue of boundaries is becoming more and more prevalent.
So what I’m going to be sharing today is a clip from a masterclass that I created a while ago called Build your Boundaries. The class in its entirety breaks down the skills needed in order to set communicate and keep boundaries. Well, right now it’s only available as a bonus for my babes and worthy I wanted to share this clip with you. It breaks down the two parts of setting boundaries and how to apply them.
There are two parts to boundaries.
One is setting boundaries.
This is when you tell yourself or the other person. No, you can’t hit me anymore. No, I’m not gonna allow Karleigh to hit me anymore, right? Because imagine I’m walking by you at work and I punch you in the arm every day. It’s become a thing.
So setting the boundaries and saying “Karleigh, you’re not going to hit me anymore.”
Which that takes skill to be able to stand up for yourself. “Dang well, okay, fine, like Anna’s not let me hit her no more. Okay.”
The second is keeping those boundaries.
It is one thing to stand out to me and tell you to stop hitting me. But it is another thing to keep that boundary. So that way if I come up and I do it again, you go “Karleigh excuse you, I said you’re gonna hit me anymore.”
And then I go “well, it’s just what we always do.”
And you say, “No, thank you, I think we’re done.”
Or you can choose to give me that one little bit of grace. And one more reminder totally up to you and your body.
Setting boundaries means that means allowing yourself to accept that you’re allowed to set the boundaries.
Allowing yourself to accept this concept is completely foreign to a lot of us, especially for those of us in abuse recovery.
The fact that we’re even allowed to set boundaries is something completely new. Because we were taught for so long, that not only were we not important, but that our boundaries were important and then we weren’t even allowed to have boundaries to begin with.
We weren’t allowed to express discomfort. We were allowed to say that we didn’t want that to happen. Because if we did speak up what our boundary was violated or to something worse, right?
So now this is where we’re getting back into our brain and re teaching ourselves to accept the fact that we’re allowed to have boundaries.
Keeping those boundaries means building that boundary muscle.
That means going, Nope, I’m keeping this boundary this muscle this keeping the boundary It was me blocking the phone number of the guy who messaged me out of nowhere and then tried to blame me because we’re not chasing him when he ghosted me anyway. Anyway, that’s flexing the boundary muscle is keeping those boundaries and following through with what will happen if someone violates that boundary.
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