When was the last time you allowed yourself to dream?
When was the last time you did something just because you enjoyed it?
Something that lights me up is fitness and nutrition. I love to cook healthy food, meal prep, go hard in the gym.
I have dreams of being a bodybuilder and I want to stand up on stage in that sparkly bikini and show off my muscles. But over the last six months, I have really let that dream fall to the wayside. around six months ago, they shut down the gym. When that happened, I definitely had a moment of downward spiral. Lifting for me isn’t just something I do just because it looks cool.
Lifting is what I would do to manage my day to day emotion. That’s how I kept my anxiety and check. When they took the gym away, they took away my outlet.
Now I know I’m more than capable of working out at home. My favorite female bodybuilder came out with a program that was done specifically with no equipment and you do it at home.
I bought it and I did the first couple of days, then I kept quitting. I began to tell myself, maybe you’re not meant to do that, maybe you’re not meant to have that dream. Maybe it’s just too much work, maybe you’re just too lazy. I started telling myself all of these stories as to why I just couldn’t go after my dream.
Over the last month, the gyms are opening again. I’ve been feeling this pull to go back. But I kept giving myself reasons not to. I’ve been lazy, gained some fluff, I’m too weak. I started telling myself all of these reasons why I didn’t have time, that it just wasn’t as important as my recovery journey.
What I realized is that the thing I love is part of my recovery journey.
So often when it comes to abusive relationships, we lose ourselves. Because our brains are in survival mode, we stop taking care of ourselves.
Even though I am three years out of my last abusive relationship, I still find my brain falling into negative patterns. That I’m not important, it’s selfish to want to go after my dream. Anything outside of work wasn’t worth my time.
But that’s all wrong. I need hobbies and passions. The thing that lights me up is the thing to help put my recovery into overdrive.
Constantly shoving down who I am made me a shell of a person.
So I want you to know that you’re not alone. Women come to me all the time with similar stories. They don’t know how to make time for themselves, they don’t even know what they enjoy.
Address the pull
I have been feeling this pull back to myself, back to the gym for awhile now and I resisted it. But the moment I sat on that bench, I got emotional. I leaned back and I wrapped my fingers around the cold bar on the incline bench, ready to push and give it my all.
It felt so good I started crying. It felt like coming home.
If you’re feeling that pull, you’re feeling it for a reason. If you’re feeling a pull back to the thing that you love then it’s time lean into it.
Make the time. Create the energy you need to make it happen.
Whatever excuses are telling you that you can’t, they’re wrong. It’s not going to be easy. But do that thing. Get back into it.
Miss baking? Go make some cookies.
If you miss doing art, maybe go get a coloring book.
Love sewing and you don’t have a sewing machine? Go get yourself a needle and thread and DIY in your own clothes.
Pick one thing and just get back to it.
Just one thing. And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, if you haven’t experienced that pull, you have full permission to play. Whatever sounds interesting or fun to you. Go play. We are so excited to play as kids and yet somehow as an adult.
I’ve become more and more passionate about the power of play and I did a podcast episode on it. Listen to it here!
Find the thing that sets your soul on fire.
If you walk into a room and feel like you don’t belong, it’s probably because it’s not for you.
I spent a huge part of my life chasing things to belong in the rooms that I didn’t want to be in. I just wanted to feel accepted instead of realizing that there were rooms that were mine. Rooms that were made for me, rooms full of people that were excited to see me.
I found that room by putting myself out there and doing the thing that I love.
Go jump into all the rooms and see which ones you enjoy. Find out the ones you don’t like.
When you find your passion, there’s so much that happens inside your brain. Your life begins to shift. There is so much more to life than you could possibly ever know.
I’m not saying it’s easy.
It might take you a while to commit to the journey of playing. Commit to the journey of going into the old rooms you’ve left neglected for the last several years. Don’t rush it.
When you find that that thing, girl, it’s going to completely blow your mind.
If this is a struggle for you, you’re not alone. The first step to take is to grab my FREE Confidence Course! This is a five day crash course with me as your Confidence Coach. I break down each step in less than 15 minutes so you can build your confidence into your life!
If you’re ready to truly live your life, click here to grab your spot!