Episode 12: Who are you allowing to speak into you?

Who have you allowed to speak over you?

And what have they spoken over you? Have they spoken life into you? Have they spoken negativity into you? How did it make you feel?

This may seem dramatic, but this question is incredibly important.

When children are spoken to, they don’t have a way of filtering out the stuff that doesn’t serve them. If you tell a child they’re stupid, they believe they’re stupid. If you tell a child they’re smart, they believe they’re smart.

But try to tell a child that they’re smart after they’ve been called stupid for years – they don’t believe you.

As an adult, we have the power to separate what serves us from what hurts us.

But like the child that has been called stupid for years – it takes time.

But before you can become aware of something, you have to acknowledge it.

We don’t have any control over the past. It is what it is and we can’t change it, so I’m not asking you to relive things so you can harp on them.

I’m asking you to look back to find a pattern so you can break it.

For me, I allowed a lot of negative people speak into my life. I allowed abusive boyfriends, toxic family members, and school bullies speak into me.

Other people limited my potential and made me feel small because I let them.

I thought that this was just how I had to live my life, because these were the people I was surrounded with.

But what I didn’t realize is that I wasn’t a kid anymore. I didn’t have to allow those things to affect me. I didn’t have to accept what they said as fact.

I’m fully aware that this is a whole lot easier said than done. It isn’t like I suddenly was just like NOPE! DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY!

It was a process. In fact, it is a process.

It started with me finding my worth and speaking life into myself on a consistent basis. Then that blossomed into calling out those worth my time to not speak to me that way.

I used to be terrified to speak up and set boundaries. But now, even though my voice shakes and I feel my face get hot, I speak up without apology.

The ones that don’t respect that don’t belong in my life. Period.

Along with this notion comes the disclaimer: pick your battles wisely.

Not everyone is going to respect your boundaries, and not everyone is worth your energy. You need to pick and choose who is worth explaining your boundaries to.

For example, if I’ve explained my boundaries to someone more than once and they continue to disrespect them, I don’t explain them again. I just decide that they’re not worth my energy. This doesn’t mean I allow them to cross my boundaries. But I keep my distance and don’t allow myself to be put in a situation where boundaries can be crossed.

Some people I just quietly walk away from. I don’t make a big to do about it, but I just don’t continue my life with them in it. 

I used to think that not getting the last word in these situations was a sign of weakness. That the block button was surrender.

But what I didn’t realize is that it takes a lot more strength to keep your mouth shut and walk away then to keep running your mouth.

But once you figure that part out, you find a greater sense of freedom. You’re no longer bound to what others tell you. You don’t have to take what they say to heart. Even if it’s your mom or boyfriend or friend or someone you look up to. If it doesn’t help you grow, it isn’t constructive. So it doesn’t need to be put into your life.

If someone has spoken negativity over you, now your job is to rewire your brain for success and positive thinking.

Check out episodes 3 and 4, the Power of Self Talk mini series.

But moving forward, you need to think very carefully about who you’re allowing to speak into your life. Words are powerful and you need to protect your energy.

But even if someone does say something to you that gets to you, learn how to block it by continually reminding yourself of the truth. Follow the exercises in episodes 3 and 4. They’re the ultimate weapon against this. 

Your energy, who you are, your character, your being. All of that is so precious. Don’t accept the words that are pushed on you. The ability to say that those things aren’t true is inside of you.

You speak YOUR truth.

You speak LIFE into yourself.

Remind yourself that you are STRONG.

Remind yourself that you are CAPABLE.

Tell yourself that you are INTELLIGENT.

Remind yourself that you are WORTHY.

You deserve that. Anyone who doesn’t see that doesn’t belong in your life, they don’t deserve your energy.

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